Switchblade Lemonade
Switchblade Lemonade
The right mix of words is your most persuasive weapon
 

The Box Cutter

 
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A brilliant online bio that reads like a razor's edge and cuts to the meat of who you are, what you do, and why you're here is...

 

As personalized as your fingerprint.

As smart as the whip that drives you.

As real as the scars you've won. 

 

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There's only one tiny problem


 
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Writing about yourself is torture

It's a very particuar kind of hell to sit in silence, eyes to the blank screen, and type something interesting about yourself...

For all the world to read.

And no matter how hard you try, when you read over what you wrote again the next day?

You still sound like a dork.
(What's up with that?)

 
 

The idea during those long, infuriating writing hours is to come up with something that doesn't make you cringe. Something that sounds audacious, true and real, but also

 
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  • Professional - Not whimsical, dreamy, or naive like you started a business yesterday.

  • Personality driven - You aren't a robot. There's a heart and a brain in there - and son of a gun, they both work!

  • Wooing and delightful - You aren't boring. So why, pray tell, is your bio?

  • Differentiating - How many yahoos online do the same thing you do? Your services may be the same, but your story isn't. (Especially if you tell it right.)

  • Perfect - Meaning, it doesn't feel brilliant one day and positively stupid the next (again, what IS that?!). If you nail it, the content doesn't stagnate. 

  • Natural - So you're confident and proud (damn straight) to send people to your website, because it's SO MUCH EASIER to promote yourself when you have it succinctly and creatively stated in writing that you've earned the right to be in business. 

  • Brand supporting - Because guess what? Who you are, what you do, and how you do it (all bio stuff) is the very foundation of your brand. 

  • Effective - It makes people like and respect you.

 

And therefore trust you.

 

And therefore feel comfortable giving you their hard earned MONEY.

I mean, no pressure or anything... 


 

Make no mistake - potential clients are definitely reading your online bio.

 

a.k.a., your "story."

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Because they have some very important questions to ask themselves. Namely - do they want to work with you?

 
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So let's face the baboon in the room and state the obvious here- 

Your story?

 
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That's a rather complicated beast is it not?

It is no wonder creative, self-knowing, well written people approach their bio problem in one of three ways:  

 

Option 1

They write a chronological timeline to show how they got where they are - nobody cares. Nothing personal, but honestly, who has time? Rehashing childhood is for family reunions not your website. 


Option 2

They turn their bios into a trophy case - I graduated from the University of Washington, I earned a Political Science degree, I have a masters in Glass Blowing, I Cross Fit, I Toast Master, I meditate, I've ridden an elephant, and I, and I, and I. 

Meanwhile, on the other side of the screen, your reader has already bounced.


Option 3

They write a short, “quirky” paragraph about their late night Haagen-Dazs habit and explain they live in New Hampshire with their husband, their eight-year-old son, and their two English bulldogs named Chuck and Norris - Cute, but tells their audiece absolutely nothing.

 

Or some combination of all three.

Which is no good. These are formalities that create unnecessary boundaries and not enough space for the real story to thrive. You can't just TELL people who you are. You have to show them.

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Imagine this:

 
  • Imagine deleting the folder on your desktop that’s full of bio drafts and having a smart, gorgeous bio that says everything you've been trying to say only better up on your site.

  • Imagine a bio that FITS who you are and what you stand for - so no matter how similar your services, you sound nothing like your competitors.

  • Imagine a bio so loaded with personality that it's like having the most confident, articulate, and creative parts of yourself online, meeting your customers and introducing them to who you are and what you do. So by the time a potential client does call, they already get what you're about. And they dig it.

  • Imagine doing MORE than listing your accolades, your quirks, or the chronological order of your life and instead, PUSHING some boundaries to artistically encapsulate why you're special. This strikes an emotional chord with your customer - not just a logical one.

  • Imagine capturing (with words) the "hard to explain" bits about your history or your services, and expressing it beautifully in a way that sells while you're out doing, who knows - shopping for underwear (hopefully).

  • Imagine publishing a bio on your website that's so compelling, people actually WANT to read it and then do business with you.

Imagine not having all the answers yet as to whom you want to be online - but investing in a professional service and discovery process to help you figure that out.

 
 

Not many people imagine the possibilities of what their content could achieve. 

 
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Because we don't see it done well very often.
We're used to our boxes, our status quo, and our tepid language that's lost much of its meaning.

 

But luckily - there will always be an exception to the rule because there are those who choose to defy the expectation. And that's where I come in. To dismantle the box people inevitably put themselves in when they try to write about themselves.

I do it with inquiry. With craft. With very, VERY sharp tools. 

Introducing:

The Box cutter

 

A one-on-one, interview, and writing service spearheaded by me, Caroline Mays, writer and creator of Switchblade Lemonade. This artistic, dare I say fun, and inspirational creative writing service is for entrepreneurs who're ready to push past the confines of the average stagnant paragraphs and step into the most powerful elements of their story and use it to SELL THEIR WORK.  

Because whether it's a good, complicated, average or "hard to articulate" story we're dealing with, rest assured it deserves your time and respect because this is your life we're talking about. And how it informs what you do.  

The "normal" way of writing a bio will never do you justice. Storytelling elements, intelligent brainstorming, and insight are our drills and hammer for building an exciting new perspective - formalizing and simplifying what is wild and complex is always the path to a Dead End.

Because truth is? Your story is only as alive, inspired, and beautiful as you'll let it be.

 
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This is how we do it. 

Step 1

We set up an appointment to get on the phone and go at it - interview style - for one hour. I’m your Oprah and your Charlie Rose; you’re my pundit, my star, my source. We’ll discuss you, your business, your clients - and maybe a few random things you'll be surprised pertain - to get to the crux of your story, capturing the flesh, muscle, and bone of your brand.


Step 2

Over the course of our project, we’ll have THREE scheduled check-ins via email where we review drafts, giving you a chance to fact check, weigh in, and take part in this process so you walk away with a product you're in love with. After each check-in, I will revise.


Step 3

 

By the end, we'll have taken that wild, untamable thing you've been trying to simplify and capture on a flat screen...and turned it into a poignant work of art that demonstrates - you are a force.


One to be reckoned with. And one who knows what she's doing.  


Thank you so much! The final product looks so awesome!! I’d been dreading putting this together and you made it a very positive experience, so THANK YOU!
— Matt H., Fraud Analyst
 

 
Thank you Caroline! Now that’s a baby I am proud of !! You’re amazing!!!!!
— Amy J., Feng Shui Coach

Caroline is a master creator of written content. Her wit, vocabulary, and ingenious mind maneuvers the perfect balance of humor and professionalism even for longer full-life bios. Her style is very deep and whimsically vague — tell her how you want to be known by your clients and she’ll write the script. I’m always amazed!
— Debby H., Book Coach
 

Fill out this intake form to get started on a gorgeously written bio that makes you feel impressively more like yourself and makes your clients thrilled (and relieved) they found you. 

 

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The cost:

$500.00 deposit to reserve your calendar slot. + $500.00 dollars to begin.

= $1,000.00 Total. 

The sooner you reserve your space, the sooner we can get started. 


 

The Internet is a crowded, congested arena.

 

HOW you talk about yourself and your work matters immensely.

 

 

 
 

So are you going to explain to everyone who you are like the majority of people online? Or are you going to release this animal...and show them?

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Caroline has been a huge asset to my company. I would definitely recommend her
— Paul P., Engineer
I was first introduced and referred to Caroline through a colleague. Caroline took the time to get to know me and my business prior to writing a word. I so appreciate her professionalism in articulating what I was trying to convey and accomplish. Thank you Caroline for making me look so good.
— Annette B., Image Consultant

Here's that form again:

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FAQ's:

What if you don't know my industry?  

That's what our one-on-one hour long interview is for - so I can learn about you, your industry, your audience. If I don't think I can wrap my brain around you or what you do, I'll tell you. I'd never attempt a writing project without a clear understanding of my subject.  

What if I don't like the final product?  

There are no surprises here, as you are part of this creative process. I don't disappear, write your bio, and leave you with whatever I compose. You're with me along the way - we'll have check-ins and phone dates, so when we're finally done? You leave with a product that exudes your own peronalized, creative identity and your customers are going to LOVE it.  

How long does this process take?  

The shortest it can be done is one week, but much of that depends on my schedule and YOURS. 

Can I make payments?  

No. My policy is that we get you paid up in the beginning. That way, we're done with accounting first, and all the focus is on our project together. I want words hanging over our heads, not numbers.  

Any hidden fees?  

Absolutely not, my momma raised me right. It's $1000.00 total. The $500.00 deposit goes toward the overall cost of this service.  

Can I get my deposit back?  

No, that's why it's called a deposit! But if you have a real emergency (giardia, house stuck in tornado, accidentally fed your Gremlin after midnight), we can reschedule.  

Do you give refunds?  

Not unless there is an emergency on my end and, for some reason, I am unable to do the work. That's never happened, but being mortal and all, I guess that's always a possibility.  

What do you need from me, your client?  

Your mind. Your story. Your game face when it's time to interview. We will have regular, scheduled check-ins, so if I can't go incommunicado and AWOL, you can't either! Unless we go together ;). In which case, I'll pack extra sunscreen.


 
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Caroline Mays

Creator of Switchblade Lemonade. Writer of killer online bios. Winner of scholarships (for writing). Traveler domestically and abroad (to write). Athlete (so I can sit on my ass and write more.)

Believer that the most exquisite, unforgettable, irrefutable quality you have - is the story that made you. 

There's personal power to be had in writing it out. And there's monetary gains to be made in owning it. 

Read my bio yet? Go here for the full monty.