The Drama Queen
A one-on-one bio coaching service where you don’t just write your story…you sink your teeth into it.
The Drama Queen is for writers, speakers, and business owners who didn’t become an entrepreneur to pose as a human cupcake - you know, with the news-anchor hair, the kill-me-now JCPenny’s catalog smile, the pointy shoes, and the fluffy fonts - and to handle their About page like an afternoon high tea party to discuss their favorite snacks, astrological signs, and Myers Briggs scores because you’re well aware that Myers Briggs didn’t make you…
You fucking made you.
And you’d like to make that abundantly clear.
Your upbringing, your environment, your friends and foes, and the rest of the extenuating circumstances create the highlight reel of your memory, and portions of it squish together to make your “story” or actually MANY stories, but there’s one in particular you need for your business and brand.
And it’s a story you’re hell-bent on writing yourself.
So let’s make it possible for you to do that:
Maybe you have no clue what the story is - through my questionnaire and interview process, we will figure that out.
Maybe you feel the story you have is too unprofessional - it’s possible it’s not the right story OR we might just need to find a new way of framing it (structure is key).
Maybe you feel your story is boring - yep, some people have amazing lives and stories, but others have normal lives with amazing ways of thinking about them. Let’s find your angle.
Maybe you know what the story is, but it’s been too complicated to write - I could buy a used Miata if I had a dollar every time I’d heard that one before. Trust me, from peacocks to serial killers, everything has a pattern, which means YOU DO TOO. We can focus there instead of on every single detail.
Maybe your story is relevant to your brand, but you worry it’s too personal - let’s establish BOUNDARIES within your story to protect you (and the other people involved).
Whatever the case, let’s explore the possibilities, focus on the most relevant themes, tug at the most compelling threads and not just set you up to “tell your story.”
Let’s set you up to fully own your narrative.
That way, it’s not just a list of chronologically ordered events (nor is it Moby Dick). It’s a money-making slab of artistic thinking that’s saturated with your wisdom and ideas.
Because it’s one thing to write about your life’s dramas. But it’s quite another to reveal who you are in spite of them.
Here’s how the program works:
We’ll have a quick, 20 minute chat to determine if this is the right service for you, so we can both move forward confidently.
If so, you’ll fill out an in-depth questionnaire that pokes at your creativity and gets you thinking in the right direction, so we’re prepared for a productive 1.5 hour interview later.
During our 1.5 hour Zoom interview, we talk about your answers, brainstorm possibilities, and work through any confusion, so you walk away with a rough outline of your direction and an understanding of WHY you’re telling the story you’re telling.
Then, you have TWO WEEKS to work on your About page before we convene on Zoom again, but this time, I’ll get my scrupulous eyes on it, we’ll work on a razor blade hook, we’ll pull out and love on the most compelling threads, we’ll marry the parts that don’t seem to connect, and omit anything that’s unnecessary, so you’re able to FINALLY finish your new, beautiful bio, publish it to your site, and elevate (or for the first time, form) your brand so you’re attracting the people and demanding the prices you want BECAUSE you have - congratulations!! - proven you aren’t a one-dimensional cardboard cutout...
You’re a three-dimensional human being with history, intellect, and marching orders that people relate to and want to get behind.
So don’t waste your or your ideal client’s time with anything less. Let’s make your story dense, let’s make it meaningful, and let’s do that by getting all up in your business.
The price for this one-on-one, in-depth tussle with me to omit the small talk and get straight to the meat of the matter is $1,397.
Sick of being stuck yet?
Your story may have worked you over once, but now...we’re going to make it work for you.
So speak up and tell me - What’s your drama, Queen?
How good of a writer do I have to be to pull this off?
You need to have confidence in your ability to tell this story. Ideally, this service is for other writers who’re having a hard time writing about themselves. If you don’t write or consider yourself “bad” at it, and don’t have faith in your skills, this is probably not the service for you.
I thought my About page wasn’t supposed to be about me, it’s about my client?
That’s horseshit. Please read this article I wrote that comprehensively debunks that claim. And if you still don’t believe me, this service will not work for you.
How much writing do you do?
None of it. There’s a different service if you want me to write your bio, so in this case, you’re the author. That said, I will make suggestions, offer opinions, and sometimes provide examples of hooks and phrasing you could use. In other words, we’re in the trenches together, but this is your war.
Do you do payment plans?
Not in this case, no.
What if I don’t get my draft to you in two weeks?
Sign up for this at a time when you can get this done, as I have to stick to my schedule too. Also, don’t underestimate the power of a firm deadline. And don’t be afraid to give me what you’ve got. I’m the wrong person to be bashful around (I’m not expecting perfection) and I’m NOT judging you. I’ve workshopped a bazillion essays in my day, you’re in good hands.
Will I have a finished bio in the end?
The goal is to have you done or nearly done with clear directions to the finish line, but of course that all depends on you.
Can I get additional coaching?
There’s a smaller offer to work through previously written bios and the cost is $497.
Caroline Mays is a writer and the creator of Switchblade Lemonade, a defiantly unorthodox bio writing salon that specializes in crafting beautiful online bios for service oriented professionals and their businesses.
She insists that the average “about me” paragraph, crammed with accolades, facts, and humorous “quirks” we hope sound good on paper, is not only a boring square we’re conditioned to stuff ourselves into - it’s a coffin-shaped box we’re expected to lie down in.
Conformity is dead on the inside. But the stories that made us are robust, complicated, and very much alive. With aggressive creativity, intelligent observation, and unapologetic audacity, Caroline helps clients unleash a truer, bolder, irresistibly compelling bio that sells their work, instead of an uninspired, predictable one that notoriously sells them short.