I can’t let you basic-bitch yourself into obscurity. There’s something unique, peculiar, exciting about your voice, your offer, your story - and we’ll capitalize on it, so help me god. This is not the place people come to sound generic.

We aim to discover what an “authentic” yet professional brand look like for you.

I’m known for my style of Founder Story, and by saying it must be “beautiful,” I mean it could be cinematic, hilarious, stoic, crude - regardless, it must be beautifully done.

WHY?? Because a quest for beauty reveals everything your story has to offer. And it helps us deliver our intended effect.

Also, why not make a story beautiful?!? Who wants a shit-craft story that doesn’t do them any good?

Here’s my lil’ AI manifesto: “Many will choose to robotize their voices and homogenize their thinking with the aid of poser-making technologies. Here, we choose to create and express like only an experiential animal can. “

Thievery, surveillance, and insults to artistry aside, I’m an AI poo-er for these reasons:

1. It isn’t customer intimate. My clients work very closely with their customers, so front-facing AI use for company branding purposes is incongruous with their business model. AI creates distance, where we want warmth.

2. It adds static, excess, & confusion to the process. I’ve never heard of anyone using it for branding purposes without producing weak results or driving the project completely off the rails.

3. It has all the information but no experience. That’s why it can’t be a proxy for you, an experiential animals. I don’t care how much “human touch” is added or how much it’s trained to sound like you, it’s never farted in public, been dumped, or eaten birthday cake, and it will add this vacancy to your writing while stripping it of your voice.

4. You cannot fully own what it produces, legally or even within your own body, mind, and spirit.

5. The quality sucks. It’s an experienceless, supersonic math equation built to masquerade as if it’s comprehending when we know it’s only predicting. And that’s exactly what it sounds like.

My clients and students use AI in some capacity in their business, just not for their customer-facing, human-to-human communications and assets.

I’ve run Switchblade Lemonade for 10 whopping years, and I’ve worked with a PLETHORA of people from corporate, academia, the arts, and the streets. 

I WILL get you off whatever endless self-defeating loop you’re on. And I will take you through an enlightening and efficacious brand and voice discovery journey that distinguishes you as the unmistakably quality person and expert that you are.

I don’t have a paint-by-numbers-follow-my-tired-ass-framework process that creates a hoard of mini-me clones.

I will use “frameworks” to provide some structure, but ultimately, this is a tailored-to-you brand agenda where we honor your vision, your clients, your personhood, and your business model.

Most people deduce quickly that business models, operations, workflows, marketing strategies, sales funnels, etc., have to be constructed. Otherwise, it doesn’t exist.

“Brand,” on the other hand, is treated as if it’ll somehow naturally emerge on its own like an advantageous tumor. But the same logic applies here - if you do not build it, it is not real.

NOBODY will take the time to read between the lines to figure out who you are and why your work matters to them; they can’t spare the cognitive burden.

In fact, people don’t care about your offer at all, nor do they give a hoot about your story UNLESS you give them reason to.

We have to be blatant when it comes to our very public brand persona, what’s great about you shouldn’t be a scavenger hunt.

I know you understand. That’s why you’re here ;)