Switchblade Lemonade
Switchblade Lemonade
The right mix of words is your most persuasive weapon

A killer bio doesn't tell people who you are.


it shows them what you're made of.


The most distinguishable, unforgettable quality you have is the story that made you. How you tell that story matters. For the sake of your business. Your brand. Your identity.



The Box Cutter - $1,875


This signature bio writing service isn't about sentences, it's about positioning, word choice, CREATIVE IDENTITY - Who are you going to be online? How are you different from your competitors? 

Traditional methods and formulaic approaches to writing a bio will never do you justice, will never inspire your potential customers, will never even be worth the read. There is no "think outside the box" anymore. There is no box at all - especially for people who've never fit in one to begin with.  


Write on Target - $750

Consulting Services for when you've been struggling, perfecting, writing, deleting, and rewriting your online bio FOREVER because words matter and writing is HARD. But any professional who's taking themselves seriously needs constructive intervention and fresh direction to get the job done.

Especially when your motto is - "If I'm putting MY name on it, I'm damn well going to do it right."   


The Book - Coming Soon

Most bio writing advice isn't advice - it's emotional abuse:

"Don't be boring! But be professional. Follow this formula! But be original. Don't be stuffy! But have perfect grammar." 

Which is why I'm doing something different. Something way more fun. And something way more suitable for a creative like you. 




Switchblade Lemonade - a defiantly unorthodox bio writing salon - is the result of one writer's bullheaded insistence that paragraphs crammed with titles, accolades, and facts we hope sound good on paper are not only a boring square we're trying to squeeze ourselves into.

It's a (coffin shaped) box we're expected to lie down in.

This explains why writing about the self is so difficult - conformity is awkward. Stiff. Dead on the inside. But a story like the robust, complicated, often feral thing you're packing around?

It's very much alive - and it hates the confines of tight spaces.


With aggressive creativity, intelligent observation, and unapologetic audacity, we unleash a truer, bolder, irresistibly compelling bio that sells our work, instead of writing an uninspired, predictable one that notoriously sells us short. Because playing small and doing things everyone else's way was never a reason to show up.

In fact, owning who we really are is the whole reason we're here.



Follow me on Instagram @beautifulbios. Because, seriously, screw Facebook. 


A special note to business owners looking for more resources:

The most significant thing I've done for myself as a business owner, a writer, and someone who works in solitary is sign up for Ashley Ambirge's (creator of The Middle Finger Project), Unf*ckwithable Girlfriends Facebook group. THIS group is where we exchange notes, hustle, and rally for each other. It's like if water cooler talk turned into a MARVEL comic. Also, my hookup will cost you a buck for the first month.

Second, if uncomfortable email exchanges between clients is something you avoid like radiation poisoning, you're going to want this book. It's like wearing a hazmat suit against all things awkward in business. So yes, you need it because awkwardness is everywhere.

And finally, are you protected from all the legal shit that can go wrong in your business? Contracts are a business woman's best friend, so here's something way cheaper than a lawyer.